Why Open Up?

Opening up about our non-monogamous identities is one of the most important things we can do to advance visibility and acceptance of non-monogamous families, relationships, and communities. When we step forward to share our experiences we can break down stereotypes, challenging misconceptions, and present a more accurate representation of our diverse and thriving communities. It allows us to counteract stigmas and educate the wider society on the wide spectrum of healthy, respectful, and fulfilling relationships that exist outside the monogamous norm. Furthermore, opening up fosters a sense of belonging and validation for others within our community, especially those who may still feel isolated or misunderstood.

Safety and opening up

While we believe in the power of visibility, we also understand the importance of safety. Not everyone is in a position where they can safely be open about their non-monogamous identity. It's crucial to consider your personal circumstances, the possible impacts on your relationships, professional life, and emotional well-being. After all, opening up can be liberating, but also challenging. Please only share your story if you feel secure, supported, and ready. Here are a few factors to consider when deciding if it’s safe to open up:

  • Are you at risk of professional repercussions, such as losing your job or clients? If you are an at-will employee, you can legally be fired on the basis of your non-monogamous identity!

  • Are you involved in a custody dispute? Is there any chance that the parent or grandparents to your child(ren) will use your non-monogamous identity to attempt to take custody? Judges have broad leeway to award custody based on the fairly arbitrary standard of the “best interest of the child.”

  • Have you considered how your family, friends, and community might respond? Is there any chance that you might face rejection, isolation, or even loss of material support such as being disinherited?

  • Are you involved in an immigration proceeding? If you or your partner are attempting to gain residency or citizenship, immigration officials may interpret a non-monogamous relationship as evidence that your relationship is not “real, committed relationship.”

For more guidance, we recommend the resource “Safety and Coming Out” from our friends at the Chosen Family Law Center.

Remember, you are valued and are a part of the non-monogamous community, regardless of how public or private you choose to be.

Tips for opening up

  • Consider Your Audience: Think about who you're disclosing to and their likely reactions. Some people may be more accepting than others. You might be ready to share your identity with everyone by posting about it on your Facebook – or you might want to have a one-on-one conversation with your closest friend.

  • Prepare Yourself: Be ready for various reactions, both positive and negative. Remember, someone's initial reaction may change over time.

  • Plan Your Words: Decide in advance what you want to say. Be clear, concise, and honest. You might want to explain what non-monogamy means to you and debunk common myths.

  • Create a Supportive Environment: Choose a comfortable setting for the conversation, and ensure you have ample time to talk without interruptions. If you’re sharing online, you might plan some time to step away from your phone or computer so as not to be overwhelmed by the response (good or bad!)

  • Offer Resources: Be prepared to provide educational materials or resources for them to learn more about non-monogamy on their own time (see below!)

  • Practice Patience: Understand that it may take time for others to fully comprehend or accept your non-monogamous identity.

  • Seek Support: Reach out to friends, communities, or professional counsellors who understand non-monogamy. They can provide valuable advice, comfort, and reassurance. We’re offering two free peer support sessions – see below to RSVP!

  • Respect Your Own Pace: There's no "right" timeline for coming out. You decide when and how you want to open up about your identity. It's a personal journey that should be navigated at your own comfort level.

  • Remember, It's Your Choice: You don't owe anyone an explanation about your personal life, nor do you need to provide any more information about your relationships or identity than you want to. Choose to disclose your non-monogamous identity because it feels right for you, not because you feel pressured to do so.

Peer Support

Not sure if opening up is right for you? Looking for support from the community in navigating this decision or processing the experience? OPEN offers free, twice-monthly peer support circles on the second and third Tuesday of each month. OPEN’s Peer Support Circles are dedicated to fostering open discussion, providing a safe haven for meaningful conversations, and promoting understanding around non-monogamy. Learn more and RSVP here.

More Resources

Here are just a few resources that may help you prepare to open up, or may help the people you’re sharing with better understand non-monogamy: